Kaia

What. The. Hell. I mean, really, WHAT THE HELL!?This books started out entertaining. Humorous, cheeky. The heroine, despite having the godawful name of Katherine "Kitty" Katt, is relatively intelligent, a bit self-effacing, but you know, not so bad. And yeah, Martini (WTF is with these names) is totally "I'm gonna marry you!" pretty much the moment he meets Kitty. But he's sort of fun and flirty and cheerful about it, so taken with a grain of salt, it's mostly amusing.I dunno, maybe I should've seen it coming. Perhaps the ridonkulous descriptions of mind-blowing alien sex and the absurd wish fulfillment fantasy of an entire race of gorgeous aliens who like normal earth women (the males) or nerdy earth men (the females) should have tipped me off. At the very least, when Kitty starts figuring out all sorts of stuff that these generations of aliens (who specialize in this protecting the Earth from alien superbeings thing) never cottoned on to, I should've smell a rat. But I kept reading.Look, here's the lowdown: The good-guy aliens come from Alpha Centauri. The parasitic superbeing thingies come from god only knows where, and have been traveling the galaxy looking for new hosts ever since their own sun went kablooey. Alpha Centauri made some kind of ozone shield to keep them out, so they hightailed it to Earth. Some of the A-C folks went too, to protect Earth and stuff. Sounds a little space opera but otherwise nothing odd here, right?WRONG! During a conversation about prejudices, it's revealed that the only prejudices Alpha Centaurians have is religion. The ENTIRE planet believes in basically the same Christian religion as Christians on Earth, only they have Angry Trapdoor-to-Hell God i.e. people can't atone for their sins. And the Centaurians who end up on Earth believe in atonement and have basically been outcasted like Space Jews to Earth because of their beliefs. Basically normal Alpha Centaurians = Nazis and though they actually let the Jews other Centaurians live, they're pretty much bait. They fight the superbeings on Earth, distracting them so they don't start looking too closely at Alpha Centauri again.And you know how Kitty magically, mystically figures all this out after knowing the Space Jews Earth-Centaurians for about 24 hours? Well, she's just that awesome, or something. For a long time the E-C's believed that an Ancient alien race tried to warn the galaxy about the superbeings and crashlanded on Earth and died because of the atmosphere, but not before leaving behind a book of instructions of how to protect against the superbeings. But they don't believe in Hell so unlike Kitty, they couldn't realize that this book was not instructions at all but a religious text. A BLOODY ALIEN BIBLE! A BLOODY ALIEN BIBLE THAT'S EXACTLY LIKE THE CHRISTIAN BIBLE, apparently. Even though it hails from god only knows where.Now, look, God or no God, different people perceive the same things in different ways. That not one but at least two alien cultures have the same exact religion, including the same myths about Eden and the Devil's fall from grace and stuff, is just...what? Seriously, WHAT? WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!It's just too wacky. Also, the other guy who lusts after Kitty is seriously getting on my nerves with his "I'mma express my hots for you by being a completely ass to you" act. I mean, look, I still like that sort of thing occasionally, on a purely part-of-me-is-internally-still-15 kinda level, but all together with everything else? YIE. Or should I say oy?(P.S. I am myself a Jew. Though not, sadly, an uber-hot Space Jew.)